2016 - THE MIRAGE OF self; TRY PINNING THE TAIL OF self! The move from subject to object to Awareness
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THE MIRAGE OF  self/me

Two pronged approach, focus on Self or on no self

Move from subject to  object to Awareness

Pin the Tail... there is no self left to pin  (Divyaa Koan)

The Mirage of the label self

I AM the absence of ‘my’ presence!


Know ThySelf is done in two ways beloveds… one is by focusing on the vast infinite Authentic nature that you truly are… becoming are of and focussing on the Self (capital S). You can call it Awareness… you can call it God ... Self… you can call it Love and Stillness Vastness it matters not... either way as you become aware of this…as you focus on it…as you increasingly  abide in it… automatically the ego notion …the limited self that you are not starts to dissolve. This is the approach of meditation ...

The other approach is know Thyself with the small ‘s’ … what you are not …I am not the body…I am not the thoughts and feelings…I am not the fears and desires…..I am not the doer… I am not the self... and as all that you are not dissolves in the light of this enquiry...   as the ego notion dissolves ... as all that blocked your vision or experience of what you truly are is removed, you come back to abiding in your true Nature...call Awareness or  God or Light or whatever . This is the approach of self inquiry-gyan  

The methods may sound contradictory… but they are actually one and the same ... and at different points in your journey you may work better with one or the other. And using both i tandem can work wonders!


So for now see yourself …somewhere...and see yourself engaged with your world... with its objects ... maybe some food… maybe your computer ...it matters not…and be aware of how clearly you feel you are the subject and the other person or thing is the object. This is your day to day life that we are talking about…and whatever you are feeling- positive or negative about that object are your feelings and  thoughts.

Do this now : there is you… and the object s of your world …you are the subject engaged with the object/s … you are seeing…you are hearing… you are thinking… you are feeling… this is your day to day life – duality- you are very much there- infact it is all about you. “I like this…I like it not...how beautiful…how ugly…it makes me sad..makes me happy ” ... whatever is happening between you and that object.

And now move back from self to Self … into Awareness … and become aware of your Self in that very same scenario. Please do this…be awareness rather than who you are aware of - of ‘yourself’…doing the same thing with the same object/s…thinking whatever ‘you’ are seemingly thinking…and You will become aware .. Oh ... that self…that ‘Divyaa’…(put your own name here)  is only  object (in communion with another object/s) … because I...Awareness am the subject.

Experience this…the sense of Oh! My God ! Yes…yes…I... Awareness am the true subjectand the seeming subject that I thought I was is only an object amidst other objects…! And as an object cannot have thoughts and feelings those thoughts and feelings do not belong to Divyaa which is only an object...  

We will repeat this…initially when you the subject , are engaged with an object,  you are very clear that the object has no thoughts and feelings…all the thoughts and feelings are yours…but when you move into awareness…into witnessing…as Awareness you become aware that I Awareness am the subject and that self who I thought was the subject is only an object… and object cannot have any thoughts and feelings …the confusion or the anger or the positive emotions whatever they may be…they are just the they are just cosmic  impulses… occurrences within consciousness .... the cosmic play. As you abide as Awareness, this is experienced very clearly… the disconnect from yourself as subject…viewing yourself as the object and as an object can have no thoughts and feelings you become aware that all your seeming thoughts and feelings cannot be yours…they are just impulses… occurrences within conciseness.... the cosmic play...

Keep doing this in your day to day life for the remainder of this week… a simple exercise… don’t seek to understand it further for now   don’t allow the self to pop back.... but  whenever you are engaged with a task whether you are cooking, working on the computer, jogging or doing yoga… whatever you are doing… move into awareness… and experience yourself (divyaaself- put your own name here)  the subject becoming the object… that is all you have to do begin with. Feel the subtle dissociation...

Of course in analogy it is like a movie…in a movie when you see the actors they are speaking…they are emoting…they are feeling...  but you in this example are awareness… you outside the movie are very very clear that they are not subjects they are only objects…flat one dimensional  on a movie screen…and  their thoughts…their feelings are not really theirs …its part of the script…it is so clear to you in a movie.

Use another analogy… a comic book…all those characters in the comic book are so one dimensional…flat so to say… they are only objects...whatever is printed in the blurb above them as their thoughts/feelings are not theirs…it is the writer…the author...this is so obvious to you. And yet you the movie character or cartoon strip think your feelings and actions are yours!

So all this time you thought you were the subject,  engaging  with objects, but as you move into and abide as Awareness you become increasingly aware that the self you thought was the subject, is just another object – and thus the obvious corollary :  an object cannot have thoughts and feelings…those thoughts and feelings are not yours…impulses within the cosmic play…the Scriptwriters dialogues and Directors thoughts...not ‘yours’... as no you !

See yourself actually see yourself as an object…there is no ‘you’…just as you are sure that the character of the movie does not really exist…it is but a script/story/play … just as you are clear that the caricature in the comic book is a unidimension flat figment …it does not exist…in the same way become aware of what you thought of as you ... do not exist. The ego notion, personal identify doesn’t have a reality.

Expand this now: In the movie there is not only one character…there are many characters… doing many things...supposedly all ‘subjects’! But you in the audience know that all of them…the entire movie…the cast of a hundred thousand are not subjects…they are all objectsthey cannot think or feel… its all only a part of the script…! in the same way when you expand this to the world around you, not only are you an object but the entire world, the Universe indeed is only made up of objects - there is only one and one only subject- and that is Self ... I as Awareness...not i as personal  self.

Once again- there is power in reiteration - See yourselves even as you sit here… you would have felt that the you sitting here  are the subject …and you are hearing and thinking and feeling… in response to these words. But become aware, as you move into and abide as Awareness that ‘you’ is just an object… experience the disassociation... don’t try and understand it... let there be direct knowing. 


And through this - almost like the un understandable (intellectually) koans that the Zen Masters use to access direct knowing - we are taking you beyond the intellectual understanding ...  training you to experience directly what you only intellectually know: There is no you… where are you? Who is you? Who is the me? Ask yourself now… …who or where is Divyaa (put your own name here) Where is she?

Are you the body? Oh! Yes you know intellectually you are not the body - but if I were to ask you who are you- you will immediately instinctively look upon yourself as the body. Now view all life ebb from that body… see the body as a corpse… or missing in action …and become aware clearly beyond intellectual understanding how You are still present. Thus you are not the body. If you were to find Divyaa’s body sitting here on a chair would you call her Divyaa… ? You would not… you would know that there is no Divyaa here…it is only a body…! So you are not your body. Do this, experience it.  Come see your body as a dead body… drained of what you call life…will your children…will your beloveds…will your pets acknowledge or indentify that as you…no they will not…they will simply call it a body. Go beyond the intellectual and experience you are not the body.

So where are you if you are not in this bodyand you will identify yourself through your thoughts and feelings! Of course i am more than my body ... i am all that I think and feel!  But we have already shown you above (and in a previous gatherings)  how your thoughts and feelings are not yours - but again lets view  where are you in these thoughts and feelings/ where? where? Try and find yourself in those many thoughts changing every day… those many feelings changing everyday…where will you catch the Divyaa…(put your own name here) …the me…? Do this as you sit here… where Am I in what I call my thoughts? Which part am me? Where can you pin yourself?  Come go beyond the intellectual use an analogy :  draw a blurb of all your thoughts and feelings around you…is that you? And you will become aware No…No…where am I ? I am not my thoughts either. Erase the entire blurb of all your thoughts- do You disappear? No I Am. So I Am not my thoughts either.

So where are you if you are not the bodyor thoughts and feelings! You will identify with your life- its experiences, events, memories! But where is the you in those?  In analogy you have amnesia...you still exist beyond the experiences as awareness so i am not my life experiences either 

I am not the body, nor can i i find myself in my thoughts …or experiences where am I ? You will then become aware that this ‘me’… Divyaa self (put your own name here) is just a label - there is no you... like the word ‘mirage’... points to something that isnt!

So yes, the thoughts are there…the feelings are there… actions are happening …but where are you…? There is no me . And this brings us to the next practice of the week: action is happening, thoughts are rising, emotions are being felt... but there is no doer thereof. You have all understood that intellectually long ago but now experience it! Become aware: Not I am awaking… but awaking is happening...not i am running or brushing teeth or driving ... running …brushing teeth …driving is happening…! But where is the me in it? Become aware of this every day till you real-ize experientially not intellectually there is no me in it…only the occurrences as they happen... emotions as they happen! 

 Do not settle for the intellectual understanding. Move into and Abide in awareness through the days and try and find the ‘me’…! It may be a very subtle awareness initially … but your subconscious mind through these steps is going to become aware that ‘you/self’ do not exist… (You/Self/I AM) do!

It will dawn on you that the ‘me’ label… akin to the label of the mirage… where is the mirage…where is it…it doesn’t exist…a label pointing to something that doesn’t exist! The closer you get to it, the more it is evident it doesn’t exist! Till then – no matter how well you know a mirage is a mirage and doesn’t exist- even if you are a scientist who knows its scientific composition of not existing- will ‘see’ it- till you are at it and then its isn’t there!  A label…simply a label…’me  and its i’...   the i that refers to your ego self… no sentence can be there without your 'I'… but indeed this i is only a label… like a mirage…pointing to something that isn’t there…where are you?

You/Self are only present in the absence of all that you/self are not! The i does not exist…only the flow of life exists…there is walking …there is talking…there is laughing…there is eating…there is loving…but there is no you who is laughing...eating…loving; there is confusion…but there is no you who is confused; the you…the me …the Divyaa…simply a label… nothing i can pin the tail on!  

Some may not ‘understand’ this… even resist it...  but by your very presence here the subconscious mind is receiving this as a powerful seed... to unravel as and when it does


So as we said at the beginning there are two approaches- … asking you to focus on I Am That I Am... in which what i am not automatically dissolves. At this point we are asking you to become aware of the me that is not ( in that automatically of course you move into the awareness of That you truly are) !  

You can use the former practice/awareness and become aware you are simply an object… flat… one dimensional like on a screen; or you can use the second practice/awareness and try and find this Divyaa  (put your own name here) and when you don’t find her...in that absence you automatically move into your true Presence! .View your body without life and you are still there to view that life less body and it  becomes very clear to you,  instantly,  that this body then is not who I Am…then where Am I ? Remove that blurb of thoughts... You are still there to view that Self without thoughts so obviously you are not your thoughts.  Pretend you have amnesia- no memory or experiences- but You are still present to be aware of that Self... so you are not you experiences... etc etc .

This all important ‘Divyaa’ (put your own name here)  …what is this ? Where is this…Oh! My God! It’s like a mirage…it doesn’t exist…cannot be found. If you were playing the game you play as children -  pin the tail on the donkey- and we say come now pin yourself… put a pin when you find ‘yourself’… play this game…put a pin when you find the self…where do you Pin?  I am not the body so you cannot put it on the body…i am not my thoughts so you cannot pin those.... go on....  find yourself…you will find that the pin remains unpinned…you cannot find yourself- it does not exist! Thoughts arise as they must … …actions happens as it must… decisions are taken as it must…everything is just happening… there is no me

Intellectual gyan  will come to you…when you do this…Oh! I am not the body/thoughts/events etc but i am an individuation of the Whole... or some concept ... whatever you have used to retain the sense of self. But as you surrender the notion of a separate self... the ego self actually does not exist. Spend the remainder of the week finding this self… keep that pin ready in your hand to pin it if you find…but this is one game you will win in losing!

Even as you sit here your underlying  thought is i am sitting here… i am meditating… ’i’ is the precursor of every other thought… when there is no ‘i’ we mean the little ‘i’...the ‘me’ ...all other thoughts will start to disengage. Thoughtlessness is not no thoughts but not identifying with the thoughts. Effortless is not no effort but any you who makes effort. Non doer ship is no no action but no doer there of!  So yes meditation is happening… but no meditator . Opening of eyes is happening...not I am opening my eyes…where is the you who is opening your eyes…put the pin if you can find it…the masters challenge you…pin the donkey’s tail. 

Post mediation: It will come in flashes… as mediators’ all of you are used to experiencing your I Am Presence… abiding as   Awarenessbut today’s gathering was  about becoming aware of  the non existence of the ego self  which seemed so important…? Just a flat comic strip…an object…a notion ? Once you truly get this your language will not change… you will need to use the usual words...you will then be able to say I and me and Divyaa but every time you say it will be a hollow sound with nothing there. And in that absence can you experience your true presence .

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