THE MIRAGE OF self/me
Two pronged
approach, focus on Self or on no self
Move from subject to object to Awareness
Pin the Tail...
there is no self left to pin (Divyaa
Koan)
The Mirage of the label
self
I AM the absence of
‘my’ presence!
Know
ThySelf is done in two ways beloveds… one is by focusing on the vast infinite
Authentic nature that you truly are… becoming are of and focussing on the Self (capital S). You can call it
Awareness… you can call it God ... Self… you can call it Love and Stillness Vastness
it matters not... either way as you become aware of this…as you focus on it…as
you increasingly abide in it… automatically
the ego notion …the limited self that you are not starts to dissolve. This is
the approach of meditation ...
The
other approach is know Thyself with the small ‘s’ … what you are not …I am not
the body…I am not the
thoughts and feelings…I am not the fears and desires…..I am not the doer… I am
not the self... and as all that you are not dissolves in the light of this
enquiry... as the ego notion dissolves ...
as all that blocked your vision or experience of what you truly are is removed,
you come back to abiding in your true Nature...call Awareness or God or Light or whatever . This is the
approach of self inquiry-gyan
The
methods may sound contradictory… but they are actually one and the same ... and at different points in your journey you may work
better with one or the other. And using both i tandem can work wonders!
****
So
for now see yourself …somewhere...and see yourself engaged with your world...
with its objects ... maybe some food… maybe your computer ...it matters not…and
be aware of how clearly you feel you are the subject and the other person or
thing is the object. This
is your day to day life that we are talking about…and whatever you are feeling-
positive or negative about that object are your feelings and thoughts.
Do this now : there is you… and the object
s of your world …you are the subject engaged with the object/s … you are
seeing…you are hearing… you are thinking… you are feeling… this is your day to
day life – duality- you are very much there- infact it is all about you. “I
like this…I like it not...how beautiful…how ugly…it makes me sad..makes me
happy ” ... whatever is happening between you and that object.
And now move back from self to Self … into
Awareness … and become aware of your Self in that very same scenario. Please
do this…be awareness rather than who you are aware of - of ‘yourself’…doing the
same thing with the same object/s…thinking whatever ‘you’ are seemingly
thinking…and You will become aware .. Oh ... that self…that ‘Divyaa’…(put your
own name here) is only object (in communion with another object/s) … because
I...Awareness am the subject.
Experience
this…the sense of Oh! My God ! Yes…yes…I... Awareness am the true subject… and the seeming
subject that I thought I was is only an object amidst other objects…! And
as an object cannot have thoughts and feelings those thoughts and feelings do
not belong to Divyaa which is only an object...
We
will repeat this…initially when you the subject , are engaged with an object, you are very clear that the object has no
thoughts and feelings…all the thoughts and feelings are yours…but when you move
into awareness…into witnessing…as Awareness you become aware that I Awareness
am the subject and that self who I thought was the subject is only an object… and object cannot have any thoughts and feelings …the
confusion or the anger or the positive emotions whatever they may be…they are
just the they are just cosmic impulses…
occurrences within consciousness .... the cosmic play. As you abide as
Awareness, this is experienced very clearly… the disconnect from yourself as
subject…viewing yourself as the object and as an object can have no thoughts
and feelings you become aware that all your seeming thoughts and feelings
cannot be yours…they are just impulses… occurrences within conciseness.... the
cosmic play...
Keep
doing this in your day to day life for the remainder of this week… a simple
exercise… don’t seek to
understand it further for now don’t
allow the self to pop back.... but whenever
you are engaged with a task whether you are cooking, working on the computer,
jogging or doing yoga… whatever you are doing… move into awareness… and experience
yourself (divyaaself- put your own name here) the subject becoming the object… that is all
you have to do begin with. Feel the
subtle dissociation...
Of
course in analogy it is like a
movie…in a movie when you see the actors they are speaking…they are emoting…they are feeling... but you in this example are awareness… you
outside the movie are very very clear that they are not subjects they are only
objects…flat one dimensional on a movie
screen…and their thoughts…their feelings
are not really theirs …its part of the script…it is so clear to you in a movie.
Use
another analogy… a comic book…all those characters in the comic book are so one
dimensional…flat so to say… they are only objects...whatever is printed in the
blurb above them as their thoughts/feelings are not theirs…it is the writer…the
author...this is so obvious to you. And yet you the movie character or cartoon
strip think your feelings and actions are yours!
So
all this time you thought you were the subject, engaging with objects, but as you move into and abide
as Awareness you become increasingly aware that the self you thought was the
subject, is just another object – and thus the
obvious corollary : an object cannot have thoughts and feelings…those thoughts and feelings are
not yours…impulses within the cosmic play…the Scriptwriters dialogues and
Directors thoughts...not ‘yours’... as no you !
See
yourself actually see yourself as an object…there is no ‘you’…just as you are sure that the character of the movie
does not really exist…it is but a script/story/play … just as you are clear
that the caricature in the comic book is a unidimension flat figment …it does
not exist…in the same way become aware of what you thought of as you ... do not
exist. The ego notion, personal identify doesn’t have a reality.
Expand
this now: In the movie there is not only one character…there are many
characters… doing many things...supposedly all ‘subjects’! But you in the
audience know that all of them…the entire movie…the cast of a hundred thousand
are not subjects…they are all objects…they cannot think or feel… its all
only a part of the script…! in the same way when you expand this to the
world around you, not only are you an object but the entire world, the Universe
indeed is only made up of objects - there is only one and one only subject- and
that is Self ... I as Awareness...not
i as personal self.
Once
again- there is power in reiteration - See yourselves even as you sit here… you would have felt that the you sitting here are the subject …and you are hearing and
thinking and feeling… in response to these words. But become aware, as you move
into and abide as Awareness that ‘you’ is just an object… experience the
disassociation... don’t try and understand it... let there be direct
knowing.
******
And
through this - almost like the un understandable (intellectually) koans that
the Zen Masters use to access direct knowing - we are taking you beyond the
intellectual understanding
... training you to experience directly
what you only intellectually know: There
is no you… where are you? Who is you? Who is the me? Ask yourself now… …who
or where is Divyaa (put your own name here) Where is she?
Are
you the body? Oh! Yes you know
intellectually you are not the body - but if I were to ask you who are you- you
will immediately instinctively look upon yourself as the body. Now view all
life ebb from that body… see the body as a corpse… or missing in action …and become
aware clearly beyond intellectual understanding how You are still present. Thus
you are not the body. If you were to find Divyaa’s body sitting here on a chair
would you call her Divyaa… ? You would not… you would know that there is no
Divyaa here…it is only a body…! So you are not your body. Do this, experience
it. Come see your body as a dead body… drained
of what you call life…will your children…will your beloveds…will your pets
acknowledge or indentify that as you…no they will not…they will simply call it
a body. Go beyond the intellectual and experience you are not the body.
So
where are you if you are not in this body…and you will
identify yourself through your thoughts and feelings! Of course i am more
than my body ... i am all that I think and feel! But we have already shown you above (and in a
previous gatherings) how your thoughts
and feelings are not yours - but again lets view where are you in these thoughts and feelings/
where? where? Try and find yourself in those many thoughts changing every day… those
many feelings changing everyday…where will you catch the Divyaa…(put your own
name here) …the me…? Do this as you sit here… where Am I in what I call my thoughts?
Which part am me? Where can you pin yourself?
Come go beyond the intellectual use
an analogy : draw a blurb of all
your thoughts and feelings around you…is that you? And you will become aware
No…No…where am I ? I am not my thoughts either. Erase the entire blurb of all
your thoughts- do You disappear? No I Am. So I Am not my thoughts either.
So
where are you if you are not the body…or thoughts and feelings! You will
identify with your life- its experiences, events, memories! But where is
the you in those? In analogy you have amnesia...you still exist beyond the
experiences as awareness so i am not my life experiences either
I am not the body, nor can i i find myself in my thoughts
…or experiences where am I ? You will then become aware that this ‘me’… Divyaa
self (put your own name here) is just a label - there is no you... like the
word ‘mirage’... points to something that isnt!
So
yes, the thoughts are there…the feelings are there… actions are happening …but
where are you…? There is no me . And this brings us to the next practice of the
week: action is happening, thoughts are rising, emotions are being felt... but there is no doer thereof. You have all understood that intellectually long ago but
now experience it! Become aware: Not I am awaking… but awaking is
happening...not i am running or brushing teeth or driving ... running …brushing teeth …driving is
happening…! But where is the me in it? Become aware of this every day till you
real-ize experientially not intellectually there is no me in it…only the
occurrences as they happen... emotions as they happen!
Do not settle for the intellectual understanding.
Move into and Abide in awareness through the days and try and find the ‘me’…!
It may be a very subtle awareness initially … but your subconscious mind
through these steps is going to become aware that ‘you/self’ do not exist…
(You/Self/I AM) do!
It
will dawn on you that the ‘me’ label… akin to the label of the mirage… where is
the mirage…where is it…it doesn’t exist…a label pointing to something that doesn’t exist! The
closer you get to it, the more it is evident it doesn’t exist! Till then – no
matter how well you know a mirage is a mirage and doesn’t exist- even if you
are a scientist who knows its scientific composition of not existing- will
‘see’ it- till you are at it and then its isn’t there! A label…simply a label…’me and its i’... the i that refers to your ego self… no
sentence can be there without your 'I'… but indeed this i is only a label… like
a mirage…pointing to something that isn’t there…where are you?
You/Self
are only present in the absence of all that you/self are not! The i does not exist…only the flow of life exists…there
is walking …there is talking…there is laughing…there is eating…there is loving…but
there is no you who is laughing...eating…loving; there is confusion…but there
is no you who is confused; the you…the me …the Divyaa…simply a label… nothing i
can pin the tail on!
Some
may not ‘understand’ this… even resist it... but by your
very presence here the subconscious mind is receiving this as a powerful seed...
to unravel as and when it does
***********
So
as we said at the beginning there are two approaches- … asking you to focus on I Am That I Am... in which
what i am not automatically dissolves. At this point we are asking you to
become aware of the me that is not ( in that automatically of course you move
into the awareness of That you truly are) !
You
can use the former practice/awareness and become aware you are simply an
object… flat… one dimensional like on a screen; or you can use the second practice/awareness
and try and find this Divyaa (put your own name here) and when you don’t find her...in that absence you automatically move
into your true Presence! .View your body without life and you are still
there to view that life less body and it becomes very clear to you, instantly, that this body then is not who I Am…then where
Am I ? Remove that blurb of thoughts... You are still there to view that Self
without thoughts so obviously you are not your thoughts. Pretend you have amnesia- no memory or
experiences- but You are still present to be aware of that Self... so you are
not you experiences... etc etc .
This
all important ‘Divyaa’ (put your own name here) …what is this ? Where is this…Oh! My God! It’s
like a mirage…it doesn’t exist…cannot be found. If you were
playing the game you play as children -
pin the tail on the donkey- and we say come now pin yourself… put a
pin when you find ‘yourself’… play this game…put a pin when you find the
self…where do you Pin? I am not the body
so you cannot put it on the body…i am not my thoughts so you cannot pin
those.... go on.... find yourself…you
will find that the pin remains unpinned…you cannot find yourself- it does not
exist! Thoughts arise as they must … …actions happens as it must… decisions are
taken as it must…everything is just happening… there is no me
Intellectual
gyan will come to you…when you do this…Oh! I am not the body/thoughts/events etc but i am an
individuation of the Whole... or some concept ... whatever you have used to
retain the sense of self. But as you surrender the notion of a separate self...
the ego self actually does not exist. Spend the remainder of the week finding
this self… keep that pin ready in your hand to pin it if you find…but this is
one game you will win in losing!
Even
as you sit here your underlying thought is
i am sitting here… i am meditating… ’i’ is the precursor of every other
thought… when there is no ‘i’ we mean the little ‘i’...the ‘me’ ...all other
thoughts will start to disengage. Thoughtlessness is not no thoughts but
not identifying with the thoughts.
Effortless is not no effort but any you who makes effort. Non doer ship is no no action but no
doer there of! So yes meditation is
happening… but no meditator . Opening of eyes is happening...not I am opening
my eyes…where is the you who is opening your eyes…put the pin if you can find it…the masters challenge you…pin the
donkey’s tail.
Post
mediation: It will come in flashes… as mediators’ all of you are used to experiencing
your I Am Presence… abiding as Awareness… but today’s
gathering was about becoming aware of the non existence of the ego self which seemed so important…? Just a flat
comic strip…an object…a notion ? Once you truly get this your language will not
change… you will need to use the usual words...you will then be able to say I
and me and Divyaa but every time you say it will be a hollow sound with nothing
there. And in that absence can you experience your true presence .
|