7.2.17- AND  YET ‘I AM’.
(A summation of the process from i me to I Am – combining all the aspects we have done in separate meditations over the last few months)

Greetings beloveds…we have been taking you step by step to enable the shift from   self to Self;  ‘seen’ to ‘seer’; the engaged participant to witness; from what you are aware of to That which is Aware ; from ‘i’ ‘me’ to ‘I Am’. Yes all these are concepts we have used to point the way to the one… single …shift that happens, and each concept is used at a certain time for a certain reason…each concept brings it’s gifts to you. Once the shift happens, the concepts fall aside.

And the reason we are using the concept  from ‘i/me’ to ‘I Am’ is so that you become fully aware that there are not two aspects of yourself - there is no different seeker and the sought… the ‘I’ is the one and only ‘I’-  there never is anything other than this ‘I’…and therefore in the move from abiding as ‘i’ me to ‘I Am’ , its simply the ‘me’ that drops, identification with the false self drops…and you abide increasingly as that ‘I Am’!  This is important for you to understand somewhere deep within, that i the ego notion, the self with the small ’s’ and I the Self with a capital ’S’ are not two parts - the ego notion does not exist…its always the Self…the Seer…the Witness…Awareness…I Am.

Today we will do a rounding up  of what you all have been doing over the last few months-  summing it up in one gathering for you - but each step has been done in great depth over the year. Each step ,that we will only touch upon today, (for in depth understanding you may review the earlier gatherings )  should start to become ‘real’ for you…your direct experience…you should own it… so it does  not remain simply something you read , hear and intellectually understand:

So first we began with the awareness: ‘I am not the body’: A) To use our favorite ANALOGY of a movie: it becomes so obvious in the movie that the actor's costumes, masks, body shapes are not what the actor really is …they are something they don for the movie- they are not the body that is shown on the screen. Come view your body as a movie avatar that consciousness adopts for Its cosmic play B) If you go deeper…if you truly were the body you could command the body as per your will, but  very often you will find that the body has its own involuntary movements, its own illness, it’s own symptoms…and just the way you cannot be the mind because you cannot direct the mind this also makes you aware that ‘I Am not the body C) It is simply a vehicle being used by the Universe like your car - if the car is damaged you are not damaged…if the car goes to the workshop you do not go to the workshop…increasingly  become aware of this body as a vehicle being used by consciousness  D) And so we repeat a kriya from many months ago : even as you sit here, view  your body fading…disappear… actually see it dissolving …Puff…! And yet, even though the body has dissolved, you know you are…I Am…! And yet, I Am! Experience this stark and clear beloved!! And it dawns on you if ‘I Am’ …even if the body isn't …I cannot be the body! Practice this week after week…move beyond its intellectual understanding. I am not the body…and yet I Am …this awareness may take long to become real…and yet it must begin.

And so the second step/shift of awareness: ‘I am not the mind… I Am not my thoughts and feelings.’ A) Once again if you use the ANALOGY of a movie:  it is so obvious to you that the feelings and thoughts portrayed by the actor on the screen are not really those of the actor…the actor is not really feeling sad, happy, murderous or whatever emotion the character is depicting on the screen…you know that that it is only the character's and not the actor’s…that is very obvious to you. In the same way your thoughts and feelings are not yours. Come view your feelings and thoughts as those being played out as the script of the cosmic play B)  And deeper, (we have done this in great detail in earlier gatherings) if the thoughts were really yours, if they belong to you-you could will at your command which thoughts to have, which not to have - but that is not so- if you have really tried it… done the sadhana… you would realize that that is not so…the thoughts come and go as they must. C) And finally, conjure all your thoughts like those cartoon blurbs around you…and you hit delete on the computer screen…and all your thoughts disappear…and yet I Am! Very often you have a thoughtless moment and yet you are…!  Practice this week after week, move beyond its intellectual understanding. I am not the mind, its thoughts and feelings…and yet I Am! This awareness may take time/sadhana to become real…and yet it must begin.

And so the third step/shit in awareness: …I am not my life events! A) Once again the movie ANALOGY:  it is so very obvious that the actor’s portrayal of murder… robbery… marriage…or whatever events are happening on the movie screen are not events of the actor’s life!  They do not follow him out of the movie… he doesn’t bear the consequences of murdering/marrying someone in a movie! Come view your life events the drama within the cosmic play B)  We repeat the example of the sage Vashist, who was overcome with desire for Satyavati while he ferried her across on a boat, and impregnated her with Bheesma Pitamah - but he did not claim for a nano moment what was done through him, he did not wrangle with ‘what he done and why had he done’…he was a sage who lived his non doer-ship…he lived in the awareness that events happen through him but he is not doer thereof! C)  And finally the meditative practice, conjure that you have amnesia…you have forgotten everything about your life…and yet…yet you are… ‘I Am’! Read up on people who have amnesia…they may have forgotten all their life events…even their name…but they know one thing ‘I Am’. Abide in non doership as you go through the events/actions of the day… the may take time / constant awareness to become real…and yet it must begin.

So the all important step /shift:  ‘I Am not the body… I Am not my thoughts and feelings…I Am not even my life events - and therefore I Am’ not the ‘me’! A)  Indeed, paradoxically the very term 'me' is all that you are not!! Because the 'me' to you is my body…my thoughts…my feelings…my life events…isn’t that what your ‘me’ is made up of? And that is what you are not. B) So actually the word 'me' is all that ‘I Am’ not…and this awareness…this awareness that the ‘me’ doesn’t exist …is what is called the dissolution of the ego notion. Please understand, we will repeat this because it is important for you to understand, just the awareness that the ‘me’ notion doesn't exist is its dissolution…there never was a ‘me’ to dissolve…just this awareness is its dissolution. We will give you an ANALOGY: the much beloved Santa clause! A child grows up believing in Santa …waiting for Christmas…enjoying the gifts…and as he grows older he just becomes aware Santa never existed: in that awareness does the Santa disappear…is that understood? There was not any Santa which then dissolves!  This understanding is vital: There is no ego notion…there is no seeker…that role which is being acted out on the movie screen doesn’t exist…the actor never is that role…! C)  The ANALOGY of a mirage can be used: just the awareness that the water ahead is a mirage is how the water ‘disappears’- there never was water there in the first place for it to then disappear…just the awareness that this is a mirage is the so called disappearing of the water! D)  This is a subtle and yet very vital for you to understand: there never was the ego self, there is no seeker, there is only the one ‘I’…the ‘I Am'…and in this awareness does the so called ego dissolve- because the ego is simply a word that is used to describe what’s really not! And the firmer and longer you abide as your ‘I Am’ presence - the more obvious is it to you that the ‘i’ ‘me’ doesn’t exist - and of course as the ‘i’ ‘me’ dissolves…as identification with all that you are not dissolves…the 'I Am’ presence becomes stronger longer and firmer….till it becomes ones nature ,again! And yet remember that the only things that has happened is the awareness that ‘I Am’…in that awareness is the dissolution of the ego notion…the seeker…because it never existed in the first place.

And so I Am not the body… I Am not my thoughts and feelings…I Am not even my life events - and therefore I Am not the ‘me :  go beyond the words and view this meditatively: view the body dissolving and yet ‘IAm’; allow the thoughts and feelings to be wiped out and yet 'I Am'; allow all your life events to be erased and yet 'I Am'; all that I have called ‘me’ isn’t and yet 'I Am’. This ‘I Am’ is what we have called the Self with a capital ’S’…or the Seer or Witness or Awareness…ones true ‘I Am’ presence. Ramana Maharshi calls this the name of God… ‘I Am’. When ‘God’ becomes aware of Itself, there utters forth this initial emanation, I Am!

So yes beloveds the body exists as a vehicle for the cosmic play…thoughts and feelings exist as the prompts the actors get… the events exist as part of the cosmic play…the world exists like the cosmic stage! All of this exists - simply ‘I Am’ not (any of ) that: I Am not the body…I Am not the thoughts and feelings…I Am not the events…there is no ‘me’…I simply Am. In this you make that shift from self to Self…from seen to Seer…from engaged participant to witness…from 'i' 'me' to 'I Am'. There are no more debates in your mind whether the ‘me’ exists or doesn’t exist…whether it has a reality or it doesn’t…it’s like asking an actor does that role that he has done…does that character exist? Of course it doesn’t exist…it is so obvious to the actor…only ‘I Am’. And yet the movie is, the story is, the character is…! But the actor is not them!

So practice this…do the sadhana…read the transcribes… this must be a constant constant constant awareness that I Am not the body… thoughts and feelings…the life events - sustained alertness through the day and not in mediation! Simply saying by rote will be of no use…you need to become truly aware of why you are not the body…become aware how you are not your thoughts and feelings…'I Am' not my life events…there is no 'me'… and yet I Am’.

*****

And so we come to what happens when you abide increasingly as the ‘I Am’ presence…?  Automatically beloveds… effortlessly beloveds… you move into WITNESSING. The witness is born even as the ‘I/me’ dies. If you remember from our previous gathering the salient features of witnessing is you move into a higher frequency; you move out of the picture ; and you move into that Changeless Self- and that is what happens in the shift from ‘i’ ‘me’ to the ‘I Am’-  thus  automatically when you abide as the ‘I Am' you move into witnessing! You are able to witness the ‘i’ ‘me’ - the body…the thoughts…the feelings…the actions…the events - but because you are witnessing them- you are viewing them outside you - thus it is so very clear to you that it is not who or what you are!

And thus with sustained witnessing DETACHMENT comes automatically…! Because as you abide as witness, witness the me/self through the day… the me/self which gets up…that me/self which thinks…the me/self that feels…the me /self that does this that - it becomes clearer and clearer and clearer to you that the aspect I am witnessing - the me/self I am seeing outside me cannot be me - and in this distancing…detachment occurs! Just like you are not so concerned with what a stranger or another is doing….in the same way you lose interest in the me/self which isn’t you…and detachment spontaneously deepens! 

And as identification with the me/self starts to weaken … automatically, spontaneously and effortlessly you move into NON DOER-SHIP! It’s not something you have to say to yourself  “ I Am not doing this…I Am not doing that…its happening through a ‘me’”   …those are all words you say to yourself when you have understood non doership intellectually but it hasn’t become real! But like an actor is not responsible for the actions of the character in the play…if he murders someone…burns down a house…he doesn’t claim the action or its consequence… and is not taken to prison… ! In the same way when you actually see/ witness that it’s all happening outside you - non doer ship automatically happens…you know it is all part of the cosmic play. So when you truly witness ‘yourself’ outside…when you see the Divyaa self outside going about her day doing whatever she is doing…it is so obvious to you it’s happening to something outside you…that you automatically move into non doer ship.

And thus automatically SURRENDER happens! ‘!  When I truly abide as witness, detached and as the non doer of the thoughts, actions and events (not being ‘me/mine…) automatically a deep surrender happens:  Just the way you do not try and control the events of a stranger or a passing walker by on the street because it is so obvious to you that they are not you!  Thus true surrender (that we took you through a couple of weeks ago…)…the surrender of your very thoughts, feelings, events and actions – indeed the surrender of the very ‘me' happens - because till then - surrender is always a struggle between my will and thy will…but when there is no ‘thy’ and ‘my’…that’s when surrender truly happens.

And then finally therefore layer after layer breaking down… do you truly arrive at what we have called: NOWHERE TO GO AND NOTHING TO DO…! Till then these are simply words- nowhere to go and nothing to do! But now it’s real…why? Because of the awareness that there is no one to do anything!!! No me who can do anything! Like the role portrayed by the actor does not exist…the ego notion doesn’t exist…the seeker doesn’t exist…it never has. The character in the movie can do nothing…if an actor is involved/entangled  in his role…it is the actor who himself has to detach from the role…that role can do nothing…in this understanding you arrive at that place nowhere to go and nothing to do and the beautiful Indian saying ‘Ram kare jap, hum kare aaram’.

Nowhere to go and nothing to do does not mean a dropping of the journey… or sadhana… or whatever practices one is engaged in.  In fact, in this ‘nothing to do and nowhere to go’,  in the awareness that ‘Ram kare jap, hum kare aaram’- is the deepest ripening!  Because the seeker has become the sought and the sought is the seeker…and so you abide in this: God…the God Self is doing whatever it needs to do for whatever it needs to do. Whatever is happening whether in the day to day life or in the spiritual life is what the Lord seeks for the Lord’s own known reasons…and in that finally as the seeker becomes the sought…the sought becomes the seeker and the journey ripens…deepens…and nowhere to go and nothing to do becomes simply a state of witnessing your day to day life…detached yet fully allowing the universe to function through you…. abiding as the non doer…surrendering all that is …allowing whatever sadhana is happening through a you to be…for whatever reasons.. Even the goal of awakening is dropped…the Lord will awaken when the Lord chooses…or the Lord chooses to remain part of the Cosmic Play…till it so deems fit… …therefore nothing to do and nowhere to go.

And so then what do you do? You live in the world! The body exists - look after the body like you would look after you vehicle which the body is! Thoughts and feelings are there- prompts that the Universe need for it to function- they are not mine but they are there! The little self will act upon those thoughts - actions and events happen but I am not the doer thereof. The world is there…the house is there…the family is there…the career is there…the health…the disease…whatever it may be… it’s all there…only I Am not any of those…and yet I AM!  The only shift in this equation is all of that is there, but I am not all of that and yet 'I Am’! When an actor sees the movie, he views the entire movie… the drama…he does not say the movie does not exist…! But he knows he is not that character…not the house being burnt down…not the murder…not the fire…not those tears…not that anger…in the same way you will abide in your ‘I Am’ presence… living in the world and yet not of the world.

And so then what must one do? All that has been outlined to you over the last few weeks… be aware moment to moment … witness the self getting up…putting its feet down…brushing teeth…going about the day! Become aware of the changeless aspect…! Become aware…practice what we have outlined to real-ize how your thoughts are not yours…do the sadhana of each and every step that we have outlined to you today…until it’s not an intellectual understanding but a direct experience…yet I AM!

Once this is done, you do not have to keep repeating these steps/practices/this sadhana, because once all these steps have really become your truth all you do is live like the God that you are…witnessing the Cosmic Play happening through this you! Whatever is going through the mind - just witness, claim not, identify not…live in a inner state of surrender.  Whatever is rising - don’t get caught in that…swayed…just  witness; once it’s your becoming direct experience it is the only sadhana to do…surrender whatever rises…moment to moment…label not…judge not…claim not…identify not- then one day the ego notion snaps asunder! The seeker has become the sought – this becomes your natural state of being. Ram kare jap hum kare aaram - you are the Ram…the Ram is doing his jap! The seeker has become the soughtand the sought has become the seeker- the seeking is continuing, nothing has changed,only the move from the ‘i’ ‘me’ to the ‘I Am’.

So don’t go looking for or focusing on the ego self which has to dissolve…it doesn’t exist…! All you have to do is move into and abide in this awareness.  Abide as your ‘I Am’ presence, aware I Am - and thus the ego isn’t! Just this awareness is what’s been called the dissolution of the ego notion…the dropping of the 'me'…the abiding in the 'I Am'. Live the life that Lord lives as you…in the body that Lord has chosen as a vehicle…the thoughts and feelings the Lord requires…events part of His Cosmic Play…where is the you ?There is only always the Lord.

And So It Is…And So It Is…And So It Is.

SYNOPSIS: 

I am not making a synopsis of this transcribe, because actually the transcribe itself is a synopsis of many earlier transcribes and meditations.

It touches upon the shift from the i/me to I am…. And the awareness there never were two I’s …no seeker….always only the one I Am… the seeker is the sought and the sought the seeker.

It then takes you through the main points (each one done in-depth in earlier meditations/transcribes) of : a) I am not the body – yet I Am ; b) I am not my thoughts and feelings - yet I Am ; c) I am not my life events - yet I Am d) there is no me- yet I Am e) It highlights how the word 'me' is all that ‘I Am’ not (body, mid, life events) - yet I Am!  f) And this awareness that the ‘me’ doesn’t exist - is what is called the dissolution of the ego notion. Just the awareness that the ‘me’ notion doesn't exist is its dissolution…there never was a ‘me’ to dissolve.

It then touches upon the gifts of moving from the i/me/ego notion and abiding as the I Am. All of which happen automatically, effortlessly and spontaneously as one increasingly makes the shift into the I Am state of being: a) Witnessing b) Detachment c) Non doership d) True Surrender e) Nowhere to go nothing to do. The mediation explains how each one follows the other as a natural consequence …I AM leads to seeing the i/me outside and thus one moves into witnessing; through witnessing there is a distancing from the i/me so there follows detachment; as one gets detached, one doesn’t identify with the i/me and its course of events thus follows non doership; and when one truly lives as witness, detached, non doer-  one realizes there is nothing to  control and surrender becomes ones state of being! In this, one finally abides in Nothing to do nowhere to go- because the i/me doesn’t exist in the first place so it really can’t do anything- the seeker has become the sought!

It further elaborates that this is not a dropping of one’s sadhana but it’s now that the deepest sadhana begins! Ram kare jap - the Lord is doing the sadhana- what more deeper sadhana can one abide in?  It’s all the Lord/I AM…where can the i/me even be?