NOT ‘SOLE’ MATES!
“Relationships are not measured in time, but in lessons learnt” 

Soul Mate is a term or concept that makes most hearts thud a little faster...most expressions turn a little wistful... and most books on it disappear off the bookshelves! However a 'soul mate' does not only imply that ‘one’ special (preferably tall dark and handsome) stranger; nor that perfect woman who will sweep you off your feet and with whom you will live happily ever after! After all the term is not sole mate and indeed there can be many, and not merely one significant other.

Soul mates are literally what the term portrays: mates at soul level! Who, come aboard the ships of our lives for many reasons, as mates tend to do, and not merely for a romantic cruise coming true! More often than not it is they who provide us the milieu and opportunities towards our most valuable life experiences and learning and aid us in overcoming our deepest limitations. Thus soul mates can paradoxically be those very people we find the most difficult and challenging-whom we would in normal parlance even call 'problems'. So yes, your soul mate can be your difficult mother-in-law, or that impossible relationship! It is an interaction you both choose in your higher wisdom -at soul levels - much like you would appoint a personal trainer to come and help you with those protruding abdomen muscles! You may not be glad every time your doorbell rings- but you do know he is good for you in the longer ‘stretch’! So next time you berate that difficult other- do pause- they may well be a soul mate. And look for the gift in the situation instead - does the uncaring spouse provoke you to find your self?  Do the overpowering in law’s facilitate you towards your own empowerment? Does that supercilious boss give you a glimpse of what you could grow into and thereby offer you a mirror of what aspect of self to move away from?

But, do I hear you go sizzle…crackle …and a-wondering as to what is that chemistry that you feel with that one special other then? And no you are not imagining it- sure there is the tug of romantic soul mates! And this chemistry is the ‘enticement’ so to say - to ensure that we has humans, who do not operate from memory of soul plans, somehow seek the other out! For you have both chosen to come together towards each others deeper growth and processes of self-discovery and this tug makes sure you team up for this vital experience in someway or the other! That's why the tongue in cheek phrase “The honey moon is over” comes into play:  because once you get together, the stage is set, for the underlying reasons- development of each self –to be explored. Thus the more we can view the challenges in relationships in these terms, and switch from blame to responsibility, we can in exploring our potentials and fulfilling the fundamental purpose of joining forces- enhance and enrich the relationship in meaningful ways!

Of course there are soul mates that come in simple support...usually these are our 'friends' rather than lovers or immediate family members. This is not our peculiar sense of humor as souls, but our understanding of the human game! We know that if vital learning is to be done- it will be done through essential relationships that cannot be easily distanced- and thus make those our most fundamental learning props! Yet we keep supportive soul mates around as soul food to enliven the cruise!! We give ourselves everything we need to enable self growth- tutors, tests, and adequate break times!

At the deepest level our soul mate is Self! And this yearning that we all feel for that ‘other half’ only finds rest in finding this Self. Indeed we will never find another to complete us, but even as we integrate within, it reflects outside in loving relationships and we experience a world full of wondrous soul mates.

Introspection for today: I invite you to observe your most challenging relationships and review: What strengths did it help you get in touch with? What limitations did it propel you to move away from?  With this clearly in mind, view the two of you giving each other a backstage ‘high-five’ in congratulations for a mission well done! Feel the thankfulness! This will help you, over time, to move away from anger and it’s stagnation into more positive states of interaction.