Seth and the Masters lead me to exploring  Free Will…

One of my earliest writings- written in response to my own questions about FREE WILL AND DESTINY that would haunt me! Of course this understanding has evolved and refined over the years, and yet I share this writing with you, as it expresses the very beginning of my journey and some of you may resonate to it!

1-Destiny is infact of…Free Will!!

Am I destined to believe in free will, or is it my free will not to believe in destiny!? This is the tongue- in -cheek question of an eternal debate between free will and destiny that most seekers go through. At what point does free will begin, and where does destiny take over or vice versa.

I guess for me the starting point is to first understand both these words/concepts, as it is here that much of the confusion lay. Destiny, is what one/I thought of as those portions of life which have been pre-ordained. By a ‘God’. Or by past deeds/karma of which I now have neither control nor memory! Either way, by a force outside of me.  I could kick, scream and shout (or laugh) my self through, but need must go through with these destined portions of life! Moreover, I should surrender to this will of ‘God’s’ as He is infinitely more Knowledgeable and Loving than me! And is doing it for my own good. I must accept His just decisions in giving me what I ‘deserve’ or have ‘earned’. Free will I hence considered, as it’s opposite: as MY will, ability, and freedom in making my current life events. MY choices operating, rather than those of that larger force.
 
Now I realize that the confusion arises in (the above) limitations of the meanings themselves, as I had previously understood them. Destiny I now comprehend is something I planned for myself in this life. The emphasis is on I, albeit yes a larger I, but NOT a force outside of me, or a God however knowledgeable, loving or just. This larger I is in fact my true unlimited Self, aware of all its experiences through consciousness. So yes, there are some ‘plans’/intent we come with, usually referred to as a blueprint. In that sense destiny is present, as these factors will at some level operate in our life. The point to note however is that it is still by ‘free will’, as we choose it ourselves, it is part of our own intent; and not imposed on us by a GOD or a universal force that sits in judgment and assigns us our ‘lot’ in life. My choice thus is operating I only don’t see it!

Each of us as our larger Self then, chooses certain areas/intentions to work with in each life, towards our larger experience and growth. It is in forgetting this once we are here that we think a force outside of us is operating and call it ‘destiny.’ It’s like three friends going to a travel agency, each with their intent of the vacation they are seeking:  say an ‘adventurous’ holiday, a ‘spiritual’ holiday and maybe a ‘laid back’ one! They spend hours looking through all the options, and decide the best backdrop for their respective intents is a jungle safari, an ashram and a beach resort! They surf the net to decide what activities are available for them to best experience what they are hoping to:  One wants to experience excitement and stimulation, the other peace and simplicity, and the third comfort and luxury! They add a few more ways to get the best of their vacation, like schedules from the fast paced, peaceful, indulgent; and hotels from wacky, spartan to luxurious! Then when the first gets a bumpy ride in the jungle or the second gets his vegetarian non- lactose salt- free meal and the third has nothing to do but sleep, they blame the travel agent for these choices!! They forget they chose to experience all nuances of their intent!! The first forgets that an open topped dusty jeep ride is part of’ adventure’, or our religious friend forgets the simple facilities are what he intended to experience!! The third is quite amazed when he finds laid back luxury boring!. Destiny thus, if we consider it as our intent, a blueprint then yes it exists.  If we instead take it to be the final photograph of the interior-decorated fully furnished apartment in an interiors magazine, it doesn’t!!!! We often get confused due to the word ‘plans’ used in conjunction with destiny and while we cannot get away from the limitations of the language alas, lets try and keep in mind that this refers less to a printout agenda and more to a framework of intent. Somewhat like a marriage proposal where the intent is to be together in harmony and whatever else each couple has conjured, but every year is not planned in advance! Or how an author or artist may conceive his painting or book yet the details come in the making!

This leads us to the understanding that there are certain aspects our intentions have put into operation, and cannot really reverse! Specially, our birth environments.  Like a farmer chooses the soil that will be best for his crops, with some growing best in arid limestone, others requiring a sandy gravel and some a rich moist soil!! We also come with certain beliefs to create the environment in which we can best experience our intents, as it these beliefs that are the tools to create anything on our physical plane! If  (one of) Sonata’s intents are to experience and enlarge her concept of love, she will come with the limited beliefs on love that she has so far experienced, and through the reality this creates in her life now, hope to expand it! Towards this she may choose a childhood, which makes her highlight and accentuate ‘love’ in all its aspects. (Others who do not have this intent will be focused on different aspects and ‘ love’ may not be an overriding issue.) So she may choose a background with acrimonious parents or a family where love is a concern for some reason. She may then feel unloved and seek it through superficial relationships based on her older beliefs that she has come with! She would have however also given herself ways to expand, maybe a larger family atmosphere of spirituality through which she could overcome this limited belief, an experience of a larger love etc. We should keep in mind however that all that we ‘plan’ is with quite the same care and attention, as say a crafty granddad would employ in making his ‘will and testament’. With a fully coherent mind and a complete understanding of all its implications!! The usual conditions and bequests included!! More importantly, as a soul about to take birth we have the option to revoke any aspect we are not ready for till the last moment. All intent and plans are of our larger free will and which we feel we are ready to accomplish! An architect doesn’t make a blueprint that he thinks is unfeasible to construct!

Many a time these ‘plans’/intent seem restrictive, tiresome and something we have to suffer through; but instead are the very foundations of what we have come choosing to do /learn. They are the beams of our buildings, which may appear in odd places but hold-up the structure! These ‘plans’ or destiny then, are our ways of making things easier for us to get what we want done; in fact to ensure that life goes the way we want it to!!! Like an itinerary helps us organize our holiday better. Or a shopping list which may make it easier for us in that large supermarket with its multitude choices on display or a curriculum makes it easier for a student on what aspects to focus from the vast range of material available on any subject. Hence destiny is more like a guideline. Help, in fact. Not the noose around our neck that most of us make it out to be. Destiny does not restrict our ‘choices’ here; it helps us focus on them!
 
Infact, in order that we live by the plans of our larger free will/destiny, we place ‘triggers’ to come into our lives, certain events, people and situations to remind us of our ‘plans’ incase we forget or slip off the track we wanted to pursue!! Very much like our cell phone reminders!! Which beep loudly only to remind us and may appear intrusive, but, are fed in by us in the first place.  Maybe I will get lost walking through the maze of our analogous supermarket aisles by always coming right past that very rack of items from my list, which I was quite ignoring! I might even stumble and trip and in searching for the band-aid counter, find it stocked along with that forgotten urgent item! Maybe Sonata comes across a book that really shakes her way of thinking, changes her mission of seeking love in meaningless relationships and instead finding it in the larger truth!!! Either way, once our phone reminder has done its job it pretty much leaves us to do what we want.  Likewise destiny does not interfere with the actions we then choose once we are in physical reality. (Though on occasion we willfully set the alarm on snooze and like the phone keeps up its beeping at intervals, destiny may keep sending us reminders. Sonata may not only come across the book, but maybe several persons reading it, and practicing it, giving her every opportunity to expand!

We can include activities other than those in our ‘itenary’!! Just like our three friends having chosen their basic vacation and props are free to experience it in optimal ways and don’t carry with them minute to minute instructions!! Their purpose is to be free to create their intent of adventure or peace or luxury in the best manner they can! The artist’s skills are experienced and honed in actually creating the painting within his mind! The businessman enjoys perfecting his skills in the actualization of the visions he has in his mind! Driving along the highways on a recent trip to U.States, it struck me this is what destiny is like! We had a destination; a map and a flexible schedule to make the most of this long drive! There were many points of interest that we took the exits for and enjoyed but got back on track easily as we kept going in the same direction! The only time we needed to ‘check’ the maps was when we found ourselves lost in these side trips and unable to find the right exits and entry’s…when we found ourselves going round and around! Or like we once got the uncanny feeling that ‘hey were we not on the opposite side of the highway’!? Triggers/destiny steps in and my daughter insists on a McDonalds, which happened to be on the right side of the highway and we are guided back from there!! The ways are numerous...
             
The ‘difficulties’ arise or compound when we allow fears and ignorance to sidetrack us away from our ‘plans’, from what our higher self has ‘willed’ to experience and learn through this life!! When we are unable to see the larger picture and instead make choices out of the fear and limited beliefs that we have indeed come ‘willing’ to overcome! If our adventurous friend doesn’t enjoy the rapid water rafting he may realize it is one aspect of what he chose to experience, and having experienced it he can now move on and even understand that maybe he needs to expand some inner belief (maybe  that fun is only synonymous with danger), or he may in fear and anger curse the raft, jump into the choppy river, scream at the organizers!! Both choices are open :one based on trying to see the larger picture (the will of the larger self which we will refer to as true free will) the other based on the fears and limitation her current beliefs (will of her ego self).  In the second scenario, as the intent his larger self had ‘ willed’ to experience and expand through, remains unresolved, it will show up again somewhere; maybe to find the water infested with crocodiles or the next day of his holiday equally hazardous! Or on our American holiday we could keep driving doggedly in the reverse direction, ignoring our instincts and scared of the darkness settling in till we are far from our destination. We may then understand we need to stop, recoup and start from scratch another day or in anger and frustration abandon the original destination to waste time where we landed by mistake!  This sets of a chain of events we feel we have no control over, and we then blame ‘destiny’ for it: the ‘negativity’ of events in fact arise from choices based on fear and limited beliefs. Not from destiny, nor true free will!!

So when we think of destiny as THY will, it is actually MY (higher) will; as there is no difference between the two. Now we may better understand:‘Thy’ will is ‘My’ will. That, which we call destiny and consider out of our hands, is infact very much in our (larger) hands. There is no conflict between destiny and free will. Destiny is infact ‘planned’ with true free will as it is planned by the larger Me in alignment with the Larger Truth and unfettered by currently limiting fears and beliefs… and that (as we will continue to see) is what makes will, truly free…

2-What is free will?

By now we would have begun to notice that there is a subtle difference in our freedom to choose/act and our ‘truly free’ will! The first being the will of our ego self, and the second of our larger/higher self. (Both) these ‘selves’ are one ‘Me’ of course, and as we do have the freedom to operate from either of these wills we have understandably associated both with the term ‘my free will’. So again lets start with the words we so easily use. Words arise from an attempt to explain a larger concept but we sometimes get stuck in their limited meanings and the essence behind the words gets diluted or lost.

Lets consider ‘free’: for anything to be truly free, it should stem from no limitations, prejudice, or fear!! If a defendant is presented with limited facts by her lawyer, and asked to make a choice as to what step she wishes to take to ensure a fair trial, it would not really be a ‘free’ choice, as it was based on limited knowledge of all the facts. This can even be viewed in the context of our trials where a crime of passion arising only from the defendant’s momentary senses is considered different from a crime committed with full conscious intent and planning! Even an older person who is only partially alert is not considered of full free mind to make his/her last will/testament!

Usually therefore, most of what we ‘will’, is not free as it stems only from our ‘ego will’.  (I shall continue the rest of this para in the singular tense for easier understanding) Now this ego will is ‘my’ will and the only thing to note is that the ego self being but one part of ‘me’ its will is limited to being prompted from only a part of myself with its limited beliefs and fears, thus taking a smaller, more immediate view. This is the reason why this is not truly free will, and not because the ego is in anyway superfluous; or restricted. Without encompassing the larger self that knows the complete larger picture what we usually refer to as free will choices/actions are merely those of the ‘ego self’. An artist who is commissioned by a patron to paint a specific picture is not as free to paint his inner larger visions, and this is the state of our ego will! ‘Sonatas will’ is thus subtly different from her freewill and prompts most of her actions; and that is the point, to learn through this physical experience that we create our own reality and to choose our actions accordingly more and more in tandem with the larger truth /higher self’s will.

As the larger complete picture is what our higher self has, its will is the truly free will!! For this free will to become a part of our physical experience our current ego beliefs have to expand to incorporate those of our higher self, so that our choices are then based on the larger complete picture!! Then a true act of free will takes place on the physical plane! Simply put, the intent behind ego will comes from our ego thought pattern, and the intent behind free will comes from the larger thought pattern, and the way to live with true free will is to expand our thought pattern! The more we expand our beliefs, the more does ‘free will’ become a norm of life…! There is no struggle or effort or confusion then between ego and free will…. both ‘unthinkingly’ become one and the same and one almost marvels at how we happen to be on a roll….so to say!!!  Ego will is increasingly united with higher will and sometimes when it still differs we find it’s thoughts getting nixed in the bud. For example our sonata may get tempted to ‘look into’ her ex boyfriend…and will find that either the urge is not strong enough to translate into action or for some reason or the other it just doesn’t happen!! So lets not begin to think we can use free will only by learning some complicated inner language: it is the age of ‘Microsoft Windows’ and all it required was a re-programming of the more complicated Cobol/dos computer languages; similarly by expanding and re-programming our beliefs and ego-mind, free will ‘connectivity’ becomes inherent and simple…!

Free will thus is not merely a tantalizing aspect of our higher Self, which we have left behind in the higher realms with our wings;-)) and also operates in the here and now!! We have indeed chosen through this physical life, to experience directing the nature, shape, and form of all our creations. We have chosen to learn to handle this inexhaustible energy. This great creativity infact is our human heritage. It is the reason we keep taking ‘birth’, so that we experience and ‘perfect’ freedom of will; it is the reason to be here!!! In some lives we ‘experience’ more than we create, but as we evolve and expand our consciousness, we learn to operate from a more and more freer will to create our own realities. It is in our hands to NOW learn and understand how to use free will which we indeed have, in creating what we want instead of wily-nily allowing ourselves to be on a roller coaster ride merely due to our limited understanding.

The larger picture always contains the smaller one, so let us not think that what we refer to as free will is separate from us and resign ourselves again to a force outside of us!! Our higher self and ego self are not two separate selves but parts of one large current self. The higher self has chosen indeed to come in this life as say: ‘divya’ (ego self) and experience consciousness through /as her. There is no competition or fight here! That would be like the ceramist in divya, being separate from the lets say the mother or author in her!! All these are aspects of one me, and any correct step I take will be based on the input from all these, for the good of that one Me! For example, the ceramist in me agreed willingly that it was time for ‘her’ to switch her focus into that of the writer! There was no jostling, as there would have been if the ‘ceramist’ and ‘writer’ had been ‘separate’! Thus this was Divya ‘s choice as a whole towards Divya’s larger growth. Similarly our ego self and larger self is one current self, which can thus operate with true free will in the here and now!…

3-Lets not forget the ego’s role in free will

Our language makes us refer to higher and ego selves as though there are separate selves whirling about within us and we sometimes quite forget they are indeed one whole Self! Initially we identify only with our ego-self; then once we ‘become seekers’;-((we try and shift the importance completely to the higher self! And that is the ‘mistake’ most of us make. Both aspects of Self have their own validity as parts of one current whole and thus for any larger/ spiritual growth both must be considered! Completely shunning the ego self is equally limiting or hampering to growth as aligning our self only with the ego! Its time for us to meet our ego-self on neutral grounds instead of extremes: neither fearing it nor abandoning ourselves in it. As all seekers are familiar with the halo of the higher self ;-) lets take a look at the oft considered ‘poorer cousin’: the ego self!

What is this ego- self? The ego is not the enemy as seekers soon start to view it! We have not included an ego as a spanner in the works!  It is part of the mental apparatus that our higher self comes with to infact deal with the external, physical world that it has chosen to come to, allowing us thus to navigate our way in it. Our ego-self is that part of our ‘current self’ with which we usually associate our conscious thoughts and emotions and we have chosen indeed to come for this experience and to expand through it! It is thus an important aspect of self and can aid us in our larger spiritual purpose too… so let us not as seekers begin to hold it at arms distance but learn instead to work with it!

If we really consider the facts, we will begin to see our ego-self as quite the brave and courageous adventurer. In getting ‘here’ the ego-self has to quite forget its reason to come was in its expansion! So either it feels lost, unfulfilled or then seekers make it feel ephemeral and shunned! Either way this is what makes it defend its position in a manner that we usually consider negative and limiting! Now it can either continue to hold its fearful beliefs or instead be gently helped to expand as it came to do, in which it begins to realize that it has no reason to fear and that it is indeed not limited or ephemeral and thus does better what is “its reason to ‘BE’”: expand! Through this expansion the ego self then knows and feels that it’s merging with its larger self is a mutual everlasting growth, and instead of losing itself it will indeed find its true whole self! The ego then becomes a strong ally instead: and an important subtle shift starts to take place with the (self experienced) ‘partitions’ so to say between ego self and higher self beginning to blur. In our context of ‘free will’, the will of the ego and higher self begin to combine into becoming free will operating in the here and now through our expanded conscious self!

Maybe we get a glimmer now: what better way to make free will our norm… than to expand our ego-self. Lets for a moment go back to the ‘beginning’ and see it meeting us here in the Here and Now (pun intended) for it is also important to understand that in order to put our plans/destiny into action we come with certain raw material: our ‘beliefs’ that then help us create our life events on the physical plane. Once we truly understand how these beliefs operate in creating our reality, we will understand the role of both destiny and free will in our lives. We have come to physical life equipped to use our true free will, but often our beliefs are cloudy (as we have come with just those to resolve) and we get stuck in their limited choices. We further mistakenly confuse these as free will choices! Indeed, if one is living a life of misery or un-fulfillment, instead of blaming destiny or free will it is time to check into our ‘raw material’ for creating the life we want: our beliefs. They are indeed the tools through which free will works optimally. We need to search within us, expand the beliefs of the ego self with the higher self, enlarging the conscious mind rather than pinning the tail of blame on a destiny outside us.

So, lets expand our conscious selves!! Lets connect to our higher/ larger selves!! Do it in whichever ways we resonate with, through inner belief work, raising of vibrations, prayer, meditation or a combination maybe, as one facilitates the other… whatever focus we feel is working for us!! Once the conscious ego self is expanding it is a geometric rate of growth as it is actually very smart ;-)) and only needs the right triggers!! Destinies, free will, ego- will all begin to blend then into the one whole they really are. We then find that some ‘plans’ that we so wanted to change are viewed in a different perspective and thankfully so! Some intents are worked out and we feel wholly ‘new’ and raring to go! We even, aha! realize that we can indeed change some of those ‘destined’ portions as the ego self in cooperation with the higher self can divinely ‘will’ to do so! They were always exigency plans anyways, a guideline, till we learnt we can truly operate from full free will, that we are indeed co-creators. It was what we learnt or experienced through those plans that was always the moot point, not the plans themselves; and the point was always to be able create better and better realities! If tomato- ketchup was on my shopping list in that supermarket analogy of ours, but I met a shopper from whom I learnt a wonderful homemade recipe, I do not have to purchase the ketchup!

Destiny thus is my intent for my life; ego will is how I choose to experience, learn, fumble fudge, enjoy, create and expand towards that intent; and free will is when my ego self and higher intent function smoothly through the current me! In all It is my will that operates! So do we have free will?? All the way dear readers all the way….  we only need to learn to access/ expand/perfect it NOW!!

4-Filling in a few more blanks…

Suppression is when we try to ignore or put down the ego-self, thinking we can circumvent it in operating from our higher self. This will not work. To grasp this we need to understand how the current self operates on the physical plane.

It is through the conscious mind that all action takes place. This ‘conscious mind’ is not only what we usually think of as our conscious mind: our conscious thoughts and emotions! These comprise only a portion of the larger conscious mind and are merely those parts that we are aware of, pay attention to and observe!! The conscious mind is thus much larger than we give it credit for or detect, and all action on this physical plane comes from it (Even those actions which we think our not conscious, like breathing etc) and where all our beliefs, observed or not are held! ! In analogy think of the conscious mind as a book and the ego as that part which is highlighted by the focus of our spectacles! Certain parts maybe accentuated due to our specs but the rest of the page is there whether we observe the smaller print or not (which as all lawyers know is very imp!!). We can refer to the unobserved/unread portion as the sub-conscious but it is no way really secondary and very much part of the conscious mind. The conscious mind as a whole then instructs the larger forces/ energy to manifest or create physically, and that is why we have come with this conscious mind!

Now this ‘conscious mind’ gets ‘data’ from (both) the higher self/mind and ego mind before it chooses or acts! Naturally its actions are more prompted by the ego data, as that is what we are so focused on and believe! Our spectacles are indeed ‘seeing’ only this!! (This is why thru expanding the ego beliefs we can expand the conscious mind.) Trying to ignore/suppress our ego thoughts only sends the conscious mind mixed signals, thus creating more confusion. For example if my ego desires x and tries to suppress wanting it, it is that data which goes to the conscious mind: that I want x but am scared of it!! “I want x” cannot be censored” (unless we call in the Hindi movie censor board ;-))!! As long as we are reading through our specs, we cannot help but see what it highlights over and above the rest of what seems the smaller print!! So we cannot sidestep the ego desires and fears by suppression.

Again, this is the time to go inwards into that portion of our unobserved, yet conscious, mind and observe our beliefs! Read the entire page! View then, what beliefs desire factor x? and what beliefs fear them? The first step is to observe them, and then either incorporate the changes at this point or take the responsibility to experience what we desire. Sometimes it is far better to deal with these desires by experiencing and expanding them, than trying to suppress them into a hopeful acquiescence! Many a time it is our fears that are based on limited beliefs/judgments and not the desires per se. Its time for us to shake hands and make friends with what our ego’s desire and think, towards a better understanding of it rather than declaring a cold war in an attempt to freeze out the thoughts!

The ego-mind (focused outwardly), the higher mind (focused inwardly) and the conscious mind (whole current self) working together is our most powerful tool in optimizing our free will, and indeed being co-creators .It is the apparatus we as physical beings have bestowed ourselves with to perfect free will….

Meaning of Will:

Will, whether free or not, is a powerful tool in creating our realties. It is that force within each of us that we may describe as the ‘power’ within our self. The word Will in the dictionary gives us: strength, force, power, determination, resolve, determination….all implying an emotional charge! As this suggests, inherent in ‘will’ is a strong, focused and directed feeling!

Feelings arise from a focus on certain beliefs/thoughts and a strong feeling will arise from a strong focus on its corresponding beliefs/thoughts and is thus like a hundred focused thoughts! Therein lays the power of will, which is reflected in the subtle difference between the words ‘I want’ to be an author or ‘I will’ be an author (not to be confused with the future tense I will)! Ego- will is what we use to create our desires and realities in our day-to-day lives. Free will is this surge of power, unfettered by limited ego will…the resolve, determination, motivation so to say, which is prompted by the larger picture.

A personal conclusion

Free will… such a magical term! And why not? It is through which the Supreme Logos/All That Is created the universe! It was the first desire and will, free from anything but the intent of experiencing, being, enjoying itself: love and abundance, balance and eternity, knowledge and knowing, creativity and action, power and will, growth and expansion!! (I view these pure energies as our Hindu pantheon of ‘gods’ which we have ‘named’: Laxmi and Vishnu, Saraswati and Brahma, Kali and Shivji). With such a wondrous ‘intent’ the Supreme Divine ‘willed’ our universe… And it is that same ‘will’ and that same intent that comes ‘down’ the line so to say…!! The Supreme Divine ‘will’ creates the many gods, their ‘avatars’, and our higher selves, who using the same will and intent create us!! And now we have the same larger intent and free will ……towards creating (like the Supreme Logos) …all that is!!

Divya Kumar 2002